Alvin Purple
"The problem is, I just can’t seem to avoid sex.”
 This amiable sex farce follows the exploits of a young
Australian man (Blundell) who - for reasons not stated in the
movie - women find completely irresistible.
Alvin Purple is a seemingly regular guy who stirs utterly
boundless lust in the loins of women - ALL women.
They are
powerless to resist his charms, and he can’t escape the armies
of lust-crazed women who need to use him to satisfy their depraved
desires.
Alvin Purple is from the Benny Hill school, with flocks
of crazed, uniformed schoolgirls on bikes chasing our hero on his
bike, with a musical accompaniment not a thousand miles from the
actual Benny Hill theme.
 In another chase scene, the wife of Alvin’s teacher appears
and gives him a ride back to her place, where bonking is once more
the order of the day. Alvin is supposed to be 16 at this point
(even though he looks about 30), but he’s still equipped to
satisfy Mrs. Horwood.
After reminiscing for a while over Alvin’s youth, we’re
transported to the present day (1973). Alvin is now 21 and a
waterbed salesman. Alvin’s friend does presentations for the
public, while Alvin does the at-home demonstrations (you can see
where this is heading, right?).
The heavy “customer contact” is wearing Alvin out, and he
confides in his friend Tina (Elli Maclure), and ends up seeking
psychiatric help in an effort to straighten out his predicament.
 Seeing an analyst turns out to simply add to his problems
though - First Alvin visits Dr. Liz Sort (Penne Hackforth-Jones)
who tells him he needs someone on whom he can “lavish the full
extent of his emotional reservoir,” and that he needs to learn
that he can do things other than sex with women, thereby keeping
his fluid reservoir dammed up.
The two become friends, and Dr. Sort successfully conditions
him, turning him into a sort of 'Pavlov’s Alvin' who runs around
the block or takes a cold shower whenever he feels any sexual
inclination.
Her training inevitably backfires when Alvin won’t
bonk her, so she ends up blackmailing him and attempting to make
his life a misery.
Alvin then seeks help from Dr. McBurney (George Whaley), who
sees a way to exploit Alvin’s talents in a way that will be
profitable to both of them.
 Alvin ultimately realises that he loves Tina, his platonic
friend who has been there for him all along. It's not a total
epiphany, but Alvin realises that sex without love, while fun, is
still empty, and he follows Tina to the nunnery she’s run away
to.
Here he becomes the gardener and a changed man . . . or is he?
The talented cast of actors tries hard to keep the thin
material afloat, and the movie spawned two sequels - Alvin
Rides Again (1974) and Melvin: Son of Alvin (1984) as
well as an Australian TV series, also titled Alvin Purple
(1976).
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